Still So Much I Do Not Know

The days roll on

and I wonder at their meaning

 

why are we here?

what are we all doing?

 

in this vast disconnection,

this fragmentation from ourselves…

 

I wonder about the journey home.

I wonder if I am home.

 

Did I originate in the stars?

have I seen other universes

and I just don’t remember?

 

for some reason

incarnating in this

space and time?

 

Perhaps I do not know it.

Perhaps I am home.

 

I wonder if I have created God,

or if God created me…

 

I suppose it does not matter

because I am sitting in the womb of all.

I am alive.

very much alive,

Breathing.

 

I am the breath.

matter

and spirit

combined.

 

I hear

the dancing sounds

of the rain

pitter patter

 

I see the naked trees,

the frothy cover of wintertime.

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Letting Go of Good and Bad

I believe that one of the ideas, or modes of thinking, that often stops us from spiritual peace is the categorization of good and bad.  “I had a bad day” “That was a bad experience” “A bad relationship” “A bad place”…

Because we are ascribing energy to an experience.  What is, in essence, truly neutral, becomes charged with our ideas, our emotion, our meaning.  This is the beginning of the illusion of “karma”: the attachment to a moment, a place, or event, so much so, that that moment, that trauma, or that experience, rules us across space and time.  It becomes charged with energy, so powerful it can make us think we are separate from God.

The egoic mind attempts to categorize, organize, put life into patterns.  It attempts to understand phenomenon it was never built to understand.  It creates internal narratives of who we are, what we have been through, and what is yet to come.  In truth, life is simple, it is only our minds that try and tell us otherwise, and we are the only ones that decide what is yet to come.

I used to think that detaching from emotion and mind meant that I would feel nothing.  I imagined a senseless, thoughtless, entirely unattached state of being.  I imagined the Buddha never having thoughts, or conflict of emotion.  Over time, I’ve become to realize that this is not true.  As long as we’re in this dimension having a human experience, we will have thoughts, reactions, and even judgments.  True mastery isn’t having an empty mind, it’s letting go of those reactions as they come.  It’s not identifying with temporary phenomena, it’s letting them fly like the wind.

In Hindu iconography, many of the Gods and Goddesses are pictured atop wild beasts.  For example, Durga can be seen riding a tiger, and Shiva rides atop his bull.  What these animals symbolize is the wild and uncontrollable parts of our mind.  When we practice self mastery, we ride atop the tiger like Durga.  When we cannot master our emotions, the tiger rides us.  The same symbolism can be seen in the Major Arcana of the Rider Waite Tarot, Number 8, Strength, where a woman fearlessly holds the mouth of a lion.

At the same time, there may always be a part of the “monkey” mind, the wild beast, the ego within, that is triggered, reacts, judges, or attempts to categorize.  This is natural, and in fact, it is natural we will have times we cannot master!  After all, we are human, and part of our experience is making mistakes.  Sometimes, we’re not ready to let go, and that’s okay.

The ego, “the beast”, the “monkey” mind rules you just as strongly if you are trying to force it into submission, forcing yourself forward, forcing yourself to let go.  It is like forcing a storm out of the sky.

Surrender – surrender to your experience, love your experience, even if it’s not what you think you should be having.  Love it, honor it, as all aspects of the divine.  When you are terrified, when you are smiling, when you are triggered, when you are dancing, all these expressions of you are utterly divine.

 

Eternal Flow

I am the way, the truth, and the life.

I am one with the sacred river, flowing with the eternal waters.  I am one with its serenity, one with its tremendous spring.

When I move with the river of life, I am one with all creation.

I flow – easily, effortlessly.  I am the vessel of abundant consciousness.  I embrace my true magical ability.  I am the Sovereign Creator.  Life was always meant to be easy.  It was always meant to be a celebration.  I love myself.  Life is my revelry!

I proclaim: life is not suffering.  Life is joy.  Life is love.  I am on the ultimate journey – of knowing myself, experiencing myself, loving myself.  I love every being that I encounter – for they are me.  Our souls are one in the water.

I surrender.  I recognize all phenomena as simply changes in the divine stream.  There will be times when the water is turbulent.  There will be times when it is slow.  I embrace it all: fully, wisely, discerningly.  I ride the waves, and times of peace, with equal stride.

 

 

 

 

My Heart Will Shine the Way

My heart is my compass, and it will guide me wherever I go.  It is my tool from the Universe, my steady way.  It knows where I must go, and what I must do.

My heart is my truest voice.

My eyes may be blinded by illusion.  My ears may be overcome with sound.  My thoughts may be filled with delusion and dismay.  Worry, anxiety, thoughts of the past and future – can all taint the thoughts of my mind.  But my heart is pure, and light, and filled with knowledge from the highest realms.  It is my heart that remembers, my heart that can shine the way.

The heart can never be tainted.  It is my compass in the realms of light and shadow.   The world may be filled with storms but I will not loose my way.  It is my comfort, it is my rod, my staff.  It cannot be corrupted, no matter how far I fall.

My heart is the voice of my soul.  It is my true vision.  It is that wisdom that lies at the center of my being, my instinctual knowing.  I attune to it.  My body is infused with it.  When I listen, I find my heart is loud.

My body, too, contains the wisdom of my heart.  My body is filled with senses far more than I know.  My body is magical.  Before I was born, I put codes of knowledge into this body.  I asked it to be my guide.  My body is my vehicle of light, of transformation.

I listen – to the sensations, the words, the knowledge of my body.  I trust, that I gave my body everything I would need.  For this life is a journey, and I did not come here blindly.  My vehicle is perfect, perfect for the experience I wish to have.  I love, and honor, this sacred craft.

I am an adventurer, a precious volunteer.  I rose my hand to have this experience.  And I remember – just how many souls, how many beings, wished to come here.  I am fortunate, for I am witnessing the birth of a new paradigm.

I will light up my way as best I can.  I will touch every soul along my path to their greatest potential.  I will love – knowing that as quickly as I came, one day I will go.

Until then, this life will be my greatest adventure.